"That night i stopped taking Heroin" A Lloyd Hesslebank Profile

"I just remember him taking little hits then sitting back on the sofa. suddenly he turned blue."

I have known Lloyd for just about a year now. We met while i was living in the house where the above incident took place and he quickly became a good friend of mine.

It's just after new years on a cold night in Reading. I'm a hour late for our meeting at Lloyd's house due to my drinking exploits the night before. Lloyd doesn't mind shaking my hand as I enter the house inviting me upstairs to his house to show me his pet rats and offering some advice on my own.

We sit down on his bed and casually chat about life in general while i work out how to use my Dictaphone, ending with Lloyd laughing "Did you not think to read the instructions?" With a broad smile on his face before laughing in the deep trademarked way.

Finally, after trying for five minutes, we get underway. He explained while taking a drag from his cigarette "I came from South Africa while i was 15 because my step-father was in alot of debt and wanted a new start." Laughing as he thinks of what he's about to say, he goes on "I wouldn't go back over there cause it harder to get a job then England. There is alot of trouble over there to. I remember my dad being hi-jacked and when one of the guys was in jail the other who kidnapped my dad visited him and was also arrested."

With a smile on his face Lloyd starts to talk about his recent time on Acid "I went shopping the next day while i was still tripping, and brought a pair of jeans that were really really shit. Like a really fucking awful pair of jeans."

With a glint of humor in his eyes I ask him to explain his reasons for taking these stronger drugs " I just like hallucinogenic drugs more. Their alot more fun." He carries on while stroking the rat thats come to join us on the bed "now anything I do is just for a bit of fun. I don't drink alot. Alot of people have tried Acid and Ketamine and prefer drinking. It's the same for me just i would rather the drugs."

Seemingly more relaxed then he was at the start of the interview Lloyd carries on talking about his memories of taking drugs "I think the most Ketamine i have done in one night is about four grams." He tells me with a smile on his face as he sits and tells me of the night "that night we watched Bottom on tape. And it was on fast forward. We thought we were tripping but as we came down we realised it wasn't right and someone had sat on the controller."

For the first time in our conversation i revert back to my notes and move the interview onto our main subject of conversation. "The first time i took Heroin I remember the night quite vividly. A mate came over and bought a bit of smack and I said that I wanted to try a bit," he continues while thinking thoughtfully, "me and my college friends had said we wanted to try it once and never got round to doing it. I smoked it and I didn't really get much form it. So i asked my friend to shoot me up and the rest of the night was a bit of a messy blur."

Lloyd's smile begins to fade for the first time and you can see him begin to think deeply about Heroin and the effects that it had on everyone around him. "I used to lie to my girlfriend about where i was going and got out of spending time with her so i could see my friends and carry on taking it more."

Lloyd witnessed first hand the overdose of a close friend. " He kept taking little hits rather then one big one and he must of just took a bit to much. He sat back on the sofa and we just thought he was gouging out but then he turned blue. James* slapped him to bring him round and i threw water on him, James put him in the recovery position and called the Ambulance." He says while taking more drags from his cigarette and fidgeting in his seat slightly more then normal indicating that remember these events make him feel uncomfortable.

"I just remember being outside. I just stayed out and waited for him to go to Hospital and then came in and just burst into tears and curled up on the floor" with a voice seemingly trembling and sound strained at the thought of the night.

You can see that thinking of the night bothers Lloyd but it was this experience that pushed him to clean up his drug use, "That was the night i stopped taking Heroin. I really thought it would wake us all up to the dangers. I don't wanna go through that again."

With a sound of defiance in his voice he exclaims, "I stopped shooting up any drugs after that. I actually really cleaned up and stopped taking alot of drugs altogether."

We begin to talk about the death of Lloyd's best mate who died a couple of months ago. With an ache in his voice he talks about his feelings on this, "I just feel disappointed. It was a crap way to go and i really miss him alot cause he was a really good friend and i lived with him for a few months in the squat. And it really bums me out that he had to take a hit that night when he was trying to clean up."

"It's actually his birthday tomorrow so i'm going to drink those bottles of cider in his name" as he smiles and points to three big bottles of cider sat by the bed.

As we finish talking about his friend and what happened you begin to see the old happyLloyd coming back, though still sounded hardened from his experiences he talks about how he feels about his old friends still taking the drugs and some just starting to. "That is the most disappointing thing. I can't comprehend why he would start it for no reason after our friends death." he proclaims loudly.

Talking about the what-ifs seem to move Lloyd " I just think what if it was me taking it at the squat and James was gouging out and no-one could help me. The what ifs are the things that keep me thinking i don't need it."

Coming to the end of our interview we begin to talk about the positives of the story Lloyd has told me. "The best times i had with my friend were the times we weren't really doing drugs. Watching bad horror films, talking bands and, well maybe having a spliff." In his voice you can hear Lloyd is torn up and really misses his friend.

You can see in his eyes that Lloyd has turned his life around, "I've taken a lot of good and bad experiences. I enjoyed the the good times on drugs and from the bad times i cleaned up, I stopped shooting up and stopped doing alot of drugs."

We realise that we have been talking for over an hour and as i have work i need to leave. I shake his hand and thank him for his time and happy as the day i met him he tells me its all fine and sees me out.

As i walk to my car i realise that the boy has seen alot but still manages to smile more the most people and still helps friends out. Thats what makes him a good friend. I smile to myself as i drive and think of his closing comment. "I don't need drugs to have a good time.............Though they do help" finishing with his trademark laugh.

*At Lloyd's request names have been changed.

Ian Mccreery

Kids - A film Review

Illegal drugs, underage drinking, violence, date rape, underage sex and sexually transmitted diseases within a youth sub-culture.

You could imagine from the intro that this could be a article about "broken Britain" in our modern time. However, this is the setting of the film Kids (1995) and is the product of underground director Larry Clark set within the 90's aids epidemic in New York City.

Clark takes a good hard look into the day of the young teens within the New York skate scene. Focusing upon the day in a life of the male and female leads Clark manages to shock the viewer as well as educate in a profound way.

Clark takes the young skater Telly (Leo Fitzpatrick) and his once love interest Jennie (Chloe Sevigny) and uses the film to follow them for just one day and the effects of their lifestyle has on not only them but the world around them.

We see that Telly is actually a pleasant young man who likes to "deflower" underage girls as he likes to put it. Not worrying about the consequences of his actions, partaking in illegal drug use as well as attacking a man who "disses" his best friend.

It's Telly's involvement with Jennie where we see the start of the day in Clarks film and also the catalyst of the films story. We see that Jennie has infact contracted Aids after sleeping with Telly and embarks upon a trip around New York before he hurts anyone else.

Like many of Clarks later films, Bully (concentrating on the real life murder of a young teen) and Ken Park ( focusing on the lifes of a group of friends dealing with issues like child abuse and incest), Kids caused extreme controversy when released. A lot of media critics noted on the use of of the child actors partaking in near sex scenes calling it "borderline child pornography" and the ideas of underage sex and date rape. Others like Janet Maslin of the New York Times, however, described that Clarks work on Kids is more of "a wake up call to the modern world."

Clark, not unlike his photography work on dysfunctional families, bares all within this film. There's no happy times, no heroes, or any real excitement. The youths captured within this film wander around the city backdrop without any look of wanting. You can see that the activities they used to enjoy, Skating for example, have all been used up of any nourishment and are left used and abandoned as the virgins Telly was once so interested in, before he abandons and gleefully and unprecedently talks about to his friends.

Even though this film does deal with actions that the older generations at the time may have deemed unfit for viewing by ages 15 and under. Many young teens, myself included, counted this among their favourite films giving it a cult status.

As many started to realise when the sub cultures within this film were delved into that this was the life for these young teens of New York and by watching the film it could not only help to educate them on their lifestyle choices but also educate the older generations to be more in touch with the younger teens and stop the destructive behaviour before it began to take hold and ruin these young lifes.

The film helped to make me take a look at my own life and making sure that unlike the teens in these films I never felt like there was no place to go, that i always had a purpose and many others who count this among their favourite films felt this way.

The film didn't only generate media criticism but it also boosted many of its young stars into the limelight. For many this help to push their careers further, for example Jeff Pang the creator of clothing company Zoo York. Also the young Rosario Dawson can be seen playing Ruby, Jennies friend who accompanies her to the aids clinic is seen in parts of the film.

Unfortunately like many child stars the fame was too much for some and Jason Pierce, Telly's bestfriend Casper, was found dead at the age of 25 after committing suicide. Also Harold Hunter, a friend of Telly's, a professional skater died from a heart attack from a cocaine overdose at the age of 32.

Clark used the "day in a life" style in a intelligent way. It helps us to only see the harsh living times of the teens and the way that they live without taking breaks between the screenplay. It also helps us to really focus upon the actions of the young teens and to feel about the life that they lead.

This style helps us to really see the difference not only between the lives of Telly and Jennie but also of the girls and boys as we see in the contrasting scene of the opposite sexes in a discussion on oral sex.

The 24-hour day in a life style of filming has been reused in films within in modern times. British movies Kidulthood and it's sequel Adulthood used this style to great effect to document the lives of teens within the Inner City of London.

Even though this film does deal with ideas that many may not want to think of, it is a film that opens up the modern world of teenagers to the older generations. Even after ten years this film still shocks the viewer so much that the film still has merit in our youths era where much of the ideas first seen in this film can be explored in more detail.