Blackholes, Missiles and my Phone Signal

We've all been there. We've all experience the annoyance of it. Mobile phones and their coverage or signal when on a train. We hear it everyday that we are in the most technically advanced time that we have ever known. So then, why is it every time i am near a field, not just on a train, do i end up talking to myself on my mobile and repeating hello over and over again. It's not like the cow's and sheep have mobiles sucking the entire signal from the air. Or there's some giant machine under Switzerland taking my signal. Is there?

Over the past 13 years 13.5 Billion pounds was spent by most nations of the world on what is being spoken of as the biggest thing to happen to science ever. Or the machine, which will destroy the Earth. Depends how you see it obviously. I am talking of course about the Large Hadron Collider. This machine will, hopefully, not kill us but show us how the universe was created and we can finally see the beginnings of life when this universe started. And maybe give me some more bars of signal?

The Military budget of the UK is said to be around 59 Billion pound a year. This is being spent on setting up a nuclear missile warning in the Middle East, making sure the Army's guns work in Iraq (which they don't), and making sure that some of the Army at war might have some body armour to help protect themselves. It might also be spent on phone calls from our PM to George Bush asking what war he wants us to fight next.

I see a problem in this though. I really hope that when Gordon Brown makes that phone call he's not near a field cause otherwise we would be completely lost at who to invade next and who's the mortal enemy of the world, according to America, this week. I can't call someone across the road let alone my best mate over in America.

And if we do discover the beginning of life itself, or create a massive blackhole, or even find where all my phone signal is, how are we going to tell anyone about it? I can't get signal if im more then a mile outside of a major town so how then can they 6miles under the Earth surrounded by a gigantic death machine.

So there you have it, I travel between Southampton and Reading alot and a good 80% of my journey im cut off from the world and that's quite scary in this world, I can't live without my phone! What if someone sends a dirty joke? What if i need to check Myspace? What if a giant blackhole is coming to suck me up and my mum wants to make sure I have clean socks on? So maybe its my own problem if i have no signal, for depending on my phone to much but then again if we can create a giant death machine under France surely a little signal could be found at some point?

Who knows, no one knows what is inside a blackhole, so maybe when they turn the LHC on they will find all my phone signal in there or maybe it's them pesky cows after all, arranging with the sheep a good night out in the next field.

Ian Mccreery